Sweet Serendipity

I’ve never really believed in the value of my friendship to others. 

Perhaps because I’m the only person who knows what I’m like inside. I can be petty, envious, greedy, selfish, vain (sometimes very much so), overly competitive, showoff, bossy and contradictory. I can be prejudiced. I have little self-confidence. Often I judge my own value based on what people I care about think, not by my own standards. I dislike it when someone outperforms me in something I think I’m good at (somewhat a sore loser, here). There are so many faults in me. 

So what do you see in me? Those sweet little notes in my yearbook, are they those obligatorily wonderful messages where you have to wrack your brains to think of something nice to write? What’s so amazing about me, this insecure little thing who constantly needs reaffirmation?  

And yet you’ve made me believe. You people whom I love ever so much, and whom (hopefully) love me in return; you’ve changed me. Heart and mind, little by little, reminding me that I don’t have to be perfect to be loved. That it’s good enough as long as the friendship I offer is sincere, that I don’t have to stand alone. That I am never a burden, no matter how many times I call or write to talk about things that are getting me down, things that I am miserable about, things that I just can’t let go of. That no matter how many times I feel like crumbling, you will remain steadfast - a scaffolding that will let me waver but never let me break. 

You are all so, so beautiful. Call me a sentimentalist. A romantic. Hopeless. Whatever you like. It doesn’t change the fact that you are the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for.

And it doesn’t change the fact that words are powerful things, every single word that you write, think, say. Mean. Those little Facebook wall posts or messages or texts that simply say “I love you”, or “I miss you”. “Miss talking to you.”. Surprises that come in the mail, letters and hand-drawn pictures and cards I have tacked on my wall. That instinctive thought: “I seriously, seriously love you guys”   that comes to me whenever I see you on Skype, or get one of those messages.  

I just had to say this to you amazing people. You know who you are. Thank you.